Everyone has had this conversation at some point in their life.  "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  It's not a simple question.  The answer keeps changing.  Every incarnation is ‘the Last One', but then it changes again.  I think I'd like to work with horses, but as a farmer, trainer, or scientist, I'm not sure.  There is one thing, though, that never changes.  I want my life to be an adventure.

            Some people choose to settle down and live out their lives somewhere familiar; some place that's safe and well within their comfort zone.  That's not for me.  I have to see the world; to see unfamiliar places, meet new people, try all kinds of food, and simply be a part of the world.

            I grew up in a family that never had any great stories to tell.  They stayed mostly in one place and blocked out the world to focus on their own lives.  Too bad their lives weren't that great.  I have a theory.  Maybe if you reach out to the world and don't focus so much on how hard life is, (and it's always going to be hard.) maybe you won't hurt so much in the long run.  I think the key is making memories worth holding on to: Memories worth sharing.

            Right now I'm in a precarious position.  The college I want to go to is an expensive one and I'm running short on the money I need to attend.  Hopefully, I'll be able to get the loan I need but if not...I've already spent a year waiting at home for the same reason and I'm not going to do it again.  For a long time I thought that going to a big, state university like WVU would be awful but now I think maybe it would just be another part of the adventure...

            And so it will be.

            It turns out that sometimes, even when everything goes according to plan, you end up somewhere unexpected.  I did make it to my first choice school and I stayed for a year, but I won't be going back.  Sometimes the plan itself changes.  That school turned out to be too small; small in so many ways, and not nearly what it was advertised to be.  More to the point, I have decided to focus on Biochemistry, a major I could not pursue there, in the hope of one day doing research in the field of equine pharmaceuticals.  At least for now...

            So WVU it is, but first, I've decided, I have a year of growing up to do.  I need to get my license, get a job, make my life.  The future is never certain, but if I am to do half the things I would like, I must take charge of what I can.

            Incidentally, I was denied a spot in the riding program that was the reason I chose my old school in the first place.  I attended anyway as a Biology major and involved myself in the equine program as much as possible; making friends with the equine students and getting a job at the barn.  In the process, I discovered that they did not teach what I wanted to learn, that many of the people involved are elitist, and that the general opinion of most of the staff and students was that horses are dumb, unemotional creatures that are simply used and put away as casually as any car.  In short, if I had made the cut, I would have been miserable.  It's strange the way that works; remarkable even, how life, perhaps God, has such a way of knowing where we all belong.  It brings to mind an old country song I used to hear growing up: "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers."

            I guess that's really the point of this essay.  Life changes.  The world changes.  Sometimes for better; sometimes for worse, but it always changes and you never see it coming.  And maybe it's better that way.  I think the best thing that anyone can do is take it as it comes.  Take every chance, ride every wave that comes along, and make every moment count.

The best way to answer this, I think, is with a quote from Bill Maher:

"Don't be so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance."

Whether you like Bill Maher or not, he makes a good point.  As far as values, traditions, religious beliefs, race, color, gender, or sexual orientation, I believe that there is nothing more important than respecting and accepting different points of view and people who are different from yourself.  Even if you don't see things as they do, it's important to recognize their right to be themselves and their value as human beings.

At some point, though, you have to draw a line.  The hardest part is knowing where to draw it.  If a belief or practice is harming, endangering, or oppressing any person or group of people, I believe it is unacceptable.  For that reason, I have no respect for bigots, racists, religious extremists or any other group whose creed violates human rights in any way.  As an American who greatly values the First Amendment, I do believe that these people have the right to speak their beliefs without fear of violent consequence providing that they make no action against another person, but I believe that the greatest value of the freedom of speech is that, ideally, it works both ways.  I consider it their right to speak and my right to speak against them.  In a truly democratic and free society, the only safeguard against hatred and bigotry are the people who take it upon themselves to speak out for Freedom, Peace, and Equality.  Only by this effort on behalf of compassionate thought, can we hope for a future in which equality is both real and pure.

 

The bell tower is off an hour,

Breaking down and losing power

Children waking from the dream

Downward spiral gathers steam

Blue-black storm clouds rolling in

Each new sunrise growing dim

Obscure the lost and break the bell

Minutes marching on to Hell

Spin the hands around the clock

Ticking, ticking ‘til it stops

Turn the tide and raise the day

Loose the clouds and bring the rain

Weeping at the widow's grave

The champion of the fallen brave

Whose dreams are buried in this ground

With fire and water raining down

All around, the world's ablaze

The demon's eyes begin to glaze

Speared upon a broken stake

An empire impaled on hate

Desperate children trapped by fear

Observe their hero drawing near

His soul repaired, the bell replaced

And trailing blue sky in his wake.

I consider my family to be my blood relatives, particularly my very tight-knit nuclear family (parents and siblings).  Because I moved several times in childhood, I don't really have a group of friends that I'm close enough to to consider them family, although my best friend Brettney gets closer every day.

 

The dying sun is drifting in my window;

Resting warm upon my skin

And soothing, effortless,

The aches and pains of a thousand transitions;

Reversals of fate.

Beams dance across the wall and they smell,

To me, like fresh cut grass.

To me, those two are inseparable.

Maybe that's why winter sunlight never

Heals the way it should.

Outside my window,

Mockingbirds are calling me to come and play

But I'm too old for childish games.

Kids are laughing,

Racing down the dirt road on their bikes.

For a moment, I wish I could go with them.

Run and play and almost fly

And chase the mockingbird across the sky

But things are different now.

I'm all grown up.  Or nearly...

I can't deny that the fireworks this year

Still dazzled this child's eyes.

And I'll still drop all my money at the fair

If the rides will let me fly like in my dreams.

Above the treetops, the lights on the Ferris wheel

Glitter against the sky.

The circus still comes to town these days

But it doesn't come for me.

And that's alright.

This time tomorrow I'll be gone.

One small step out in the world.

I'm not afraid.

In fact, I'm so excited.

But there's a part of me that's sad

Because the sun will never look the same again

And nobody ever told me I would leave so soon.

The sun is gone until tomorrow

And tomorrow isn't like today at all.

The warmth still lingers on my skin though;

A last little kiss goodbye.

The Ferris wheel lights up the night

And I've never seen so many fireflies.

I guess they've come to say goodbye.

Goodbye to the little girl who chased them

because she loved them,

Who never hurt them and always let them go.

The girl who knew that wishes on stars

Always came true eventually

And who never begrudged

the mocking bird his song.

The mockingbird has flown away now;

Gone to roost in his nest among the stars.

Even the fireflies will go to bed eventually

And so will I.

I promise that when I wake tomorrow

I'll be strong and responsible

And independent;

The wise woman you've been raising all this time.

But tonight, I'm still a child.

And I'll be riding the Ferris wheel in my dreams

And promising the summer sun

That I will never forget.